It’s a move, fittingly, straight out of the early ’90s — in order to capitalize (emphasis on the “capital”) on the release of the upcoming Sonic the Hedgehog 2 movie, Sega has teamed up with General Mills to release a Sonic the Hedgehog cereal, complete with honey-flavored rings and Sonic- and emerald-shaped marshmallows. It invites us all to come up with corny catchphrases that don’t really make sense, like “It’s a runway for your taste buds!” or “Part of a SPEED DEMON breakfast.” It even includes a game on the back of the box. I’m surprised it doesn’t have Michael Jordan on the cover or something.
As if I don’t feel enough like a nine year-old already, Sega also announced a line of Sonic-themed fruit snacks to go along with it, presumably to stick in elementary schoolers’ lunchboxes until kingdom come. What’s next, a Sonic line of Happy Meal toys? Actually, that sounds incredibly likely. The promotional machine of Hollywood movies (especially family-friendly affairs) is unmatched. They’re releasing furry Xbox controllers, for heaven’s sake. The sky’s the limit, as far as I can tell. It’d almost be bigger news if they WEREN’T releasing Sonic cereal.
The capitalist apparatus of society aside, you can buy Sonic cereal very soon at your local grocery store, and see the movie in theaters starting April 8th. I mean, if you want to. Nobody’s forcing you, really. Personally, I’m probably going to be eating the same cereal and watching the same movies (and by movies I mean lengthy YouTube video essays) that I always do.
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