The classic Mario enemy known as the Whomp was first created in Super Mario 64, and from the get-go it had a face only a mother could love: disjointed teeth, mismatched eyes, and a ghoulishly carved mouth hewn from brittle, jagged rock. But as new beta assets from Super Mario 64 reveal, the Whomp was once a much different looking creature.

 

 
Look at it. This… child. With big blocky eyebrows of determination, little beady-set eyes, and a squiggly frown that says he’s not sure if he can do this but lord knows he’s gonna try, he engenders not derision but rather affection. Look at the way he struggles to squash Mario beneath him! He’s trying so hard! And yet Mario ground pounds him to dust, just as any other…

This is clearly the reason the Whomp was so shamelessly decutified. The developers knew that if they left such an earnest, hardworking boi in the game, nobody would ever want to squash him and instead wish to marvel at his perfect little face for all time. And thus we are left to crush the ugly canon Whomps for all eternity, looking back with a wistful sigh in knowing that perfect character designs do exist — but sometimes, they simply cannot be.

 

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Written by Ben Fruzzetti

Gamer, writer and devourer of pasta. Whenever not letting his daydreams run out of control, he can be found writing for Nintendo Wire, playing old JRPGs, or reading sci-fi and fantasy novels and comics.

Ben Fruzzetti

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